![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Bad ad copy
7 December 2005 13:13"We could save you up to $327.96 or more a year on your auto insurance."
"Up to" and "or more"? Stupidity, meet shredder.
Subaru's TV ad for the Tribeca is irritating. It shows competing vehicles falling apart or crumbling as the thing passes them, while Dust in the Wind makes up the audio. Sometime in the future I expect I'll see a Tribeca rusting and falling apart and I'll probably be far too amused by that as I think it a fitting demise after that wretched commercial. For now, I have to settle for exercising the mute button.
I got an ad from an otherwise decent credit card issuer today. They have a promo for July that issues two points per dollar rather than the usual one point per dollar... for certain categories of purchases, and only after spending $x at the one point per dollar rate.
Okkay, that's hokey enough and I can and will ignore the silly advertising gimmick. The irritating thing is the line "Your spending goal is $x" that implies they get to tell me how much to spend. Guess what? My total spending objective is $0.00. While I can't do that, I sure am not spending what some bank (or bozotic marketing company) tells me to, program or no program.
An article arrived in the mail today. It was clearly advertising trying hard to not look like advertising. It wasn't in a normal envelope but in a pull-the-perforated-edge off thing. It was made to look as if it had been stamped "Check enclosed" (no check I've received in the mail has needed such advertisement, nor desired it.) The check was for $10. The program it would have started would have cost $11.99 per month. The program? So-called "Fraud Protection." Don't they see the irony in this?
That sounds like something from the late 19th or early 20th century, before phone service became pretty much a standard thing. But it's what Bellsouth plans to do now, in the early 21st century.
I get this image of Daffy Duck trying to persuade Elmer Fudd he needs every service Bellsouth offers.
Someone at work brought in apples rather than doughnuts or rolls as a treat. Okkay, apples aren't empty-calorie items... or so I had thought. I tried one. These apples were the "Red Delicious" variety and, well, they are sweet. I would not go so far as to call them delicious, however. They seemed to me to lack apple flavor and seemed oddly soft or at least lacking in density. Not rotten or bruised, just... lacking. And now I want a good apple, such as a Granny Smith.
Yesterday's mail included Yet Another Credit Card Come On. This one reached a new depth of sleazy. Not only did it have the usual introductory rate (which lately seems to be only for balance transfers) but it boldly claimed a 7.99% fixed rate after that. Almost. There was a tiny, faint gray superscript 'a' after that. Uh huh.
Checking the notes, and there are a few, note 'a' says that the rate is fixed - every month. It can change once a month. Gee, that's a funny way to say variable. It's one of those things that while technically correct and seems to meet the legal requirements, sure doesn't look too ethical to me. And another one meets the shredder.
What next, radium?
5 October 2004 12:30Some time back, I'm not sure when, perhaps it was the 1980s, maybe earlier but I wasn't paying much attention, credit card companies started pushing "Gold" versions of their cards. When that wasn't enough, there came the "Platinum" cards. I'd joked that someday some credit card marketeer should come out with a "Radium" card as a "glowing endorsement of your credit worthiness." (This was before the "Plutonium Card" jokes started.)
Since then I've seen the gold, the platinum, and when metals weren't enough, "Diamond Preferred" (what do diamonds prefer, anyway?) and things that are simply "elite" which I suppose is to work on snob-appeal.
Today I saw another one, "Double Platinum." I mused for a moment on the number of albums that would be, then looked it over a bit. A platinum card but with a "double" point (2 micropoints per dollar spent rather than one micropoint per dollar spent). The offer got shredded: Rate above 10%, and variable. The micropoints aren't worth the hassle. Besides, I don't use a card that often. I cancelled a card recently as, among other things, I hadn't seen fit to use it since January.
Classic. Gold. Platinum. Diamond. Double Platinum. Elite. What's next? Or what's missing? Silver seems to be. Well, silver tarnishes.
From time to time someone comes up with yet another place to put a piece of advertising. A recent one is in video games. Some have even proposed advertising in space, visible from the surface of the earth. I'm certainly not for space-based advertising since there's far too much light pollution already. Others, well, I have javascript and animation and such disabled in my browser as I want to read the content of the web without the stupid distractions of spammy winkety-blinkety advertising.
Google gets things pretty much right - the ads aren't distracting and are somewhat relevant, without doing privacy-invasive market tracking. I don't have a problem with ads as such. I recognize the need to pay for content. I object to eyeball-hijacking.
It might be a bit of a surprise that I don't particularly mind advertising posters in rest rooms. The idea actually amuses me. Someone is so desperate that they're pushing their product in a place with which they might not desire it be associated. Also, the ads are then in the one place where a person can truly express their opinion of so much advertising.
Express
Doesn't that imply speed? Like Pony Express, the fast for its day delivery service, or Express Lane which is supposed to be faster than those other lanes?
Well, the United States Postal Service has revised the definition. Express Mail used to mean that if you sent something today, it'd get where you wanted it tomorrow. Not anymore. I had to Express something today[1] (because Airborne Express - there's that word again - wasn't swift enough to follow simple directions about where to pick up that something... but that's another rant).
Other package delivery services use Express in their name to indicate speed. It's not Federal Someday Get There, it's Federal Express. Why? It's a next-day service! Sure, you can now get a cheaper, slower FedEx service, but they still offer the point of their name: Getting stuff places fast. Airborne Express, had they been smart enough to understand a simple location description, would have gotten the parcel where it needed to be next-day. But since they weren't competent enough to handle a simple pick-up, I got to have this exchange at the Post Office:
Clerk: When do you want this to get there?
Vakko: Tomorrow.
Clerk: I can get it there Saturday.
Vakko: Saturday isn't tomorrow. Isn't the whole point of Express mail to get something there tomorrow?
Clerk: No, it's to have it tracked. (Or was it confirmed delivery)
Vakko: Nice of USPS to change the definition after telling everyone it was for speed.
Clerk: Do you still want to send it Express?
Vakko: *grumble* Yes... *what choice is there?*
What's annoying is the quiet redefinition of "Express." If it's just delivery confirmation, then call it that. If it's second-rate package tracking, than call it that. First rate tracking is what Registered Mail gets. But Registered ain't Express. Since they are not offering a truly Express (fast!) service, they have no business using the name and implying that that is what they have. Bait-and-switch seems a good description of what USPS is doing with its alleged Express Mail service. It's one thing if USPS simply can't do what other places do. I can accept that. But being lied to is another matter, and using the term Express Mail for two-day delivery is a lie.
So now, because of a bungle by Airborne Express and the false advertising of USPS, I've wound up having to pay $17.85 for inferior service.
[1] I had not known that this item needed to be shipped until last night. Had I known about it earlier, I would have sent it earlier.
Does anyone recall the gimmick of being mailed or allowed to select a metal key with the idea that if the key you got opened or started a car, you won the car? This weekend I got the new version of that gimmick.
I got home from Sioux Falls on Saturday evening and took in the mail. There were the usual bits of advertising and updates and such. There was also a short tube of thin clear plastic with a bit of paper colorfully proclaiming how urgent it was and a key fob for a car.
The paper screamed advertising gimmick as the urgency was not real. "First Class Presort" isn't Express no matter what the colorful text tries to claim. If the included key openedd the Chrysler Pacifica in the showroom of a dealership in Windom, MN (What, never heard of the place? I'm not surprised. It's even more nowhere than Fairmont.) the car was yours, BUT the code on your paper had to match as well. This same code is also used to get the "pre-approved" credit line for vehicle. If you didn't win the car, well, there were few other prizes. A $500 shopping spree, and couple cash prizes, or a certificate for $2000 - guess towards what.
The odds were interesting. The car, shopping spree, and cash all had odds of 1 in 1,000,000. The certificate had odds of 999,996 in 1,000,000. Yep.
I got this item Saturday evening. Oops. "Act now! Contest ends June 26!" Well, too late. Hrmm, If the advertising is sent late and doesn't arrive until after or almost after the promo and some folks don't read the text on the included paper... Oops, pardon my conspiracy theory moment.
I got curious about the supposed key fob and took it apart, Two buttons (LOCK and open trunk) did nothing. They just had springs so they would move a bit. The UNLOCK button pushed down on a piece of stamped metal to make contact between an LED and a couple small button cells. It's just an LED flashlight, and it's not a very bright LED. I find this funny because had I been home on Saturday or gotten the promo earlier I could have determined if the supposed key had a chance of working without going to the dealer to be further advertised at. This is actually worse for the dealer than the old fashioned metal key.
I briefly pondered dropping the key in a parking lot somewhere and letting someone go nuts trying to find a car, but the things just feels wrong and the LED is a bit of a giveaway that it's not what it claims to be. So I'm keeping it. It's not very bright, which is sometimes a good thing. It's about ideal as a light for reading star charts and not ruining dark adaption.
I didn't get the Pacifica (which I likely would have turned around sold as I really have no desire to drive a Pacifica) but because of poor advertising choices, I did get a free flashlight that is, surprisingly, of some use to me.
A bit of IRC gets posted...
Y: OK, rant mode ON: Why the bloody CRAP do sites have to have flash with sound when you don't expect it?
Y: I can see sites like Homestar Runner having sound in every flash, because... um... it's ENTIRELY flash!
Y: But these sites that use flash to make nothing more than a glorified animated GIF, then *BAM* sound from nowhere...
KT: 'cos they wanna grab yer attention so maybe yoo will buy their stuff.
KT: Seems a strange way ta do business. "Hi, potential customer! You need Special Software to view our site. Don't have it? Gee, f--- you, potential customer!"
Y: Dell uses ActiveX as navigation on its "premier" site.
Y: I guess they don't wish to do business with everyone.
Y: Because there's no way in hell I'm using IE just for a navbar.
D: You're not a dweeb using IE? Then you're probably too intelligent to fall for our sales gimicks - we don't need your kind - go kill a few braincells.
* KT goes to a car dealership to buy a car. He enters the building, but there's just this bare room with no other doors, just one bored-looking guy sitting in a chair.
KT: Um, this the car deelership?
Guy: Up there.
* Guy points to a hole in the 20-foot-high ceiling.
KT: Wot thee hecko?!
Guy: You gotta go through that hole.
KT: How?
Guy: Don't you have a jetpack?
KT: Ummmmmmmm nope.
Guy: Go buy a jetpack, then maybe we'll see about selling you a car.
KT: Me got a ladder at home. Me go get.
Guy: You sure? A jetpack is recommended.
KT: Howcome?
Guy: The owners of this dealership recommend a Zip-Away jetpack for the full car-shopping experience.
KT: Woodnt a ladder werk just as well tho?
Guy: Um... no. Of course not. Gotta be a Zip-Away jetpack, as recommended by the owners of this dealership.
* KT goes off to look for a car dealership that actually wants to do business.
* D climbs the building across the street and looks into the showroom with binoculars, with the sales guy none-the-wiser. They're selling old trucks chassis tarted up with lots of chrome and bright paint.
D: (This is seeing what the javascript does from the source and using the info to navigate).
They call this one an "Up front reward" and claim not to have some complex reward program and no teaser rates. The bait is a "free" Dell Dimension 2400 desktop computer. But there are a few catches. "Free" is not free, of course.
To get the computer one must transfer balances to get at least $5,000 on their card - and then keep a balance of at least $3,500 for at least 18 months... at 9.99%. That's also a variable rate. But what if you don't have that much to transfer? Why, there's always a cash advance (up to $2,500) option to boost debt and cash advances get that higher rate of not less than 19.99%. They point that this would be a saving if I transferred my higher rate balances. I pride myself in not having higher rate balances. My reward is very simple: not making interest payments.
It gets even better. The system they picture has a flat-panel display, which is an option. The DVD drive is also an option. Naturally both options cost more money.
Of course this offer is only to "credit-savvy individuals" who have earned it. Well, this credit-savvy individual knows better than to fall for this. It costs more in interest than simply saving up and buying the machine. And for that, I could certainly do better than a mere Dell if I wanted to get another computer.
Topping it off is the result of Googling:
http://milwaukee.bizjournals.com/milwaukee/stories/2004/03/29/story2.html?page=1
Verdict: Universal Savings Bank, meet Mr. Shredder.
So now another judge has stalled the national Do Not Call list. This time it's a claim about the first amendment and free speech issues. I find that rather silly as the list is opt-in and people can decide for themselves if they want their number(s) listed or not. The first amendment says people can speak, but it does not say that anyone is obligated to listen. This looks like a property rights issue to me. My phone, my rules. Sure, the callers pay for the call, but that doesn't compensate the called for the interruption and the loss of utility of the phone service for which they pay. Caller ID should not be the necessity it sadly seems to have become.
But going back to the speech objection, it comes from the loopholes that were left in the DNC list. Pollsters can still call. Charities can still call. Political campaign calls are still permitted. And that's the problem, it seems. One type of speech appears to be limited and regulated while other types are not. The solution is to close off the loopholes and make no distinction between commercial calls and the others. The end result would be the DNC list everyone (except those who live to annoy others) wanted in the first place.
I'm not going to bet on it, but it was interesting to see congress react with amazing speed recently to pass a bill that made it clear "Yes, we damn well meant for this to happen!" So there is some pressure there and it is being felt. As for calling the judge, while perhaps somewhat amusing, it's a waste of time and effort. Seems to me it'd be better to call congressmen and senators and point out the desired solution: Close the loopholes and make a truly effective DNC list.
I was putting off an upgrade of Mandrake until 9.2 was officially released as stable. But it looks like maybe I should not even consider running Mandrake anymore. This [http://www.mandrakesoft.com/partners/advertising] isn't exactly a day brightener. I set things to avoid spammy ads. I certainly don't want some clown making my screen advertise at me (or anyone else) when the screensaver kicks in. Nor do I want any "default pages" that I do not have 100% control over. My machine, my rules dammit.
Yes, this is only in the download version. But if I'm gonna pay for a distribution, you know what? I'll pay for a different one. And besides, maybe xine will actually work then. Though it will be annoying to move all my data files and get my preferred programs and settings going again. It might be simple enough to remove the ads, at least beyond the install, but I'd rather not have to.
Okkay, I'm not a deep hacker in linux. That was why I was using Mandrake. Recommendations for alternatives? What I'm looking for is something with ease of installation, ease of use, decent security, and ideally the good sense to not prepend Linux with three letters and a slash. And no damned ads.
Or maybe I should ask about experiences with recent versions of various distributions.
