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vakkotaurBefore anyone gets the wrong idea, this is post is not about selfishness, but relevance.
Every once in a while I see or hear someone tell someone else to think of how fortunate they are and how there are those in far worse situations when something is wrong. The person who says this means well, but doesn't really help. The reminder that someone, somewhere is having a worse time of things does nothing to improve the situation with which one is dealing.
Stubbing a toe, for example, hurts. Being told that someone else has no legs doesn't do anything to decrease that pain. At best it is a distraction, and not a very good one. Now the person with the stubbed toe gets to feel bad about someone else's situation. Or maybe even feel guilty that he has a toe to stub?
It's not that the person with the stubbed toe is being inconsiderate. The other person, the one worse off, wouldn't be any better off if the toe-stubber thought of them or not at that instant. The net effect is a negative one. Nobody is helped. The legless person doesn't suddenly grow new legs because the guy who stubbed his toe thinks of him. The person with the stubbed toe feels down not only because of the pain in his toe. Now in addition to that, he might feel guilty for daring to think of himself, or he might feel that whoever tried to help seems to have just belittled his problem. Some friend that.
This sort of thing bugs me. It's well meant, but so counter to its own purpose that one has to wonder what someone was thinking. "I wept that I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet." Well, the footless man is worse off, true enough, but unless he happens to be a shoemaker you still have no shoes. The original problem remains.
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Date: 14 Apr 2004 12:10 (UTC)Yes, the stubbed toe is bad (I have a kialbalsa (sp?) right now myself) but really, it's not THAT bad. It's supposed to make you sympathize/empathize with another human for a moment, and therefore give you the ability to reflect upon the scale of badness that it is.
But then again, when I am in pain, I just want people to make me laugh.
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Date: 14 Apr 2004 12:24 (UTC)It might be meant to put things in perspective, but the result is to say, "Nah, you don't have REAL problems." And maybe I don't, but at best it's just a distraction rather than a help - and there are better distractions.
And I agree, if I'm in pain I'd far rather see Groucho Marx than Sally Struthers.
kielbasa?
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Date: 14 Apr 2004 12:27 (UTC)It's very painful and ugly.
*wink* But hey, at least I got a toe, right? *Ducks the flying vegetables*
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Date: 14 Apr 2004 22:43 (UTC)no subject
Date: 14 Apr 2004 12:45 (UTC)no subject
Date: 14 Apr 2004 14:22 (UTC)no subject
Date: 14 Apr 2004 14:49 (UTC)Ginafae, Mad Latinist (aka Justin). Mad Latinist, Ginafae.
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Date: 14 Apr 2004 22:55 (UTC)no subject
Date: 14 Apr 2004 22:52 (UTC)