Orvan Responds

It's been about a week and so here are the questions and Orvan's responses. -- Vakko.

thecanuckguy: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Orvan: Woodchucks, being burrowing creatures, normally chuck dirt. I think I once heard that they can move as much as 35 pounds (about 16 kilograms) of dirt per day. So, if it was wood rather than dirt (compacted sawdust perhaps?) then it would seem likely that a woodchuck could chuck up to 35 pounds (or 16 kilograms) of wood per day.

thecanuckguy: Boxers or briefs?

Orvan: I deliver both, as well as many other undergarments. If you are asking which I wear, my deliveries must be timely, so naturally I wear... speedos.

thecanuckguy: Is this sentence false?

Orvan: No, it is interrogative.

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jcw_da_dmg: What do you like best about making deliveries?

Orvan: That I'm not stuck in an office or a cubicle all day. I do reconsider that in the odd spot of nasty weather.

jcw_da_dmg: If you could be any kind of bird, what would it be?

Orvan: Are you expecting me to say cowbird? Well, no. Maybe a hoatzin, but I have never given this much thought. I am what am, and what I am is not a bird.

jcw_da_dmg: Do you covet your neighbor's ox?

Orvan: That would be telling.

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kinkyturtle: Why only three questions? Can we cheat and type more than one question in each field? Have you stopped delivering bombs to singing turkles?

Orvan: It probably seemed a reasonable limit to Vakko.

Orvan: Obviously.

Orvan: No. Have you not been getting the customary high level of ACME service?

kinkyturtle: Why does this field have such a low character limi

Orvan: Vakko screwed up.

kinkyturtle: This one has a low character limit too! How come i

Orvan: Vakko screwed up again.

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jmaynard: Has anything you've had to deliver blown up before you delivered it?

Orvan: Yes. Fortunately it was a self-inflating raft and not anything genuinely explosive.

jmaynard: Yes?

Orvan: Yes, it really was a self-inflating raft.

jmaynard: No?

Orvan: No, it was not fun getting it deflated while it was more than filling the delivery truck. It would have to happen when I had a smaller than usual truck, too.

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The following questions have been slightly modified to protect the identity of the questioner.

Question 1: Do you ever open stuff up to see what is inside?

Orvan: No. I often have a fair idea of what is inside from the handling instructions ("DANGER: EXPLOSIVE") and the rest of time, well, some things I just don't want to know.

Question 2: Do you ever keep some of the stuff and mark it lost?

Orvan: No. Any loss generates a an investigation and loads of paperwork. The only ACME products I take home are what I get through the ACME employee discount - and I make sure there are good records of everything, just in case.

Question 3: Anyone ever ship booze?

Orvan: Yes. ACME produces pretty much everything, so there is an ACME Brewery (despite claims it no longer exists), ACME Vineyards, and ACME Distilleries... so, yes, people do order and -- after proper checks are made -- get alcoholic beverages.

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Question A: If you were to go Corporate what would your company be called?

Orvan: Pinnacle. The product would be computer chips.

Question B: What is the best item you ever delivered?

Orvan: I best not answer this one, sorry.

Question C: Do you use your horns to hold delivery slips or tags?

Orvan: No. I'd forget them there and then folks would look at me funny wondering why I have such funny "earrings" in such an odd place.